Psalm 63: 1
“O God, you are my God
I earnestly search for you.
My soul thirsts for you;
my whole body longs for you
in this parched and weary land
where there is no water.
On seeking the Lord
This psalm is one of the first I found when I returned to the Lord in the fall of 2014 in Saint John, New Brunswick.
I was searching for God. I had left Toronto and graduated from university. You would think the world was my playground now. Instead, I felt like I was being swallowed by a tight black hole. That I wouldn’t amount to anything. I didn’t have a clue where I would work. I struggled a lot with anxiety and fear. Physically, my heart always felt like it would beat out of my chest. My hands were constantly clenching and unclenching. Anxiety prevented me from dreaming big. Dreaming at all.
However, God had never departed. I still felt him. Albeit, I felt like I was living in a dream like state, where things were always a little bit blurry. The daily image of my life was fuzzy around the edges. Colors were blunted. He was still there.
In the fall of 2014, I began to earnestly seek Him at church. In prayer time with others. In worship services. On my own. I experienced Him in a profound moment in March 2015 at another prayer service and have never been the same.
I am in a reflective mood because I am struggling with a sin that returned me to the fuzzy-slightly-blurred-image of day-to-day life this past March. Funny how the times align.
I love this psalm because it reflects the desperation and need David had when he was in the wilderness of Judah. It also reflects our times of need when we are pressing our fingers through the opaque darkness, trying to find a thread of light. It reflects the time when we keep falling into the muck, our hands and feet scrabbling to get out of the trench of sin.
I earnestly seek you, God. I earnestly seek You.
He hears us, friends. Don’t be discouraged. Keep seeking His face. In all struggles and trials. In times of joy and abundance. Keeping seeking Him.
Until next time,